It's a quiet death, this. Every time he leaves, his heart breaks, every time a little less. All the more for it. He goes down to the river; it's become his safe place, a holy ground where he can let the tears drop one by one into the flood, let them go. Each time, he comes out stronger. Walking slowly, in a way lazily on the margin, bare toes making squishy sounds in the mud, Viggo waits for the tears to come.
There are reeds growing there, and wild flowers: phlox; dogwood; snowberry; herbs he doesn't recognize. Heady scents that make him dizzy, ears filled with the buzzing of insects and the chirping of birds. It's the wrong time of the year for this. He left sooner this time, from the wrong place. The summer's ended there, life is settling down to sleep there, not waking nervously for one too brief moment like here. It makes it all harder, reminds him of why he left.
It was too soon. He wasn't ready to settle, not then, maybe not ever. He wants to, God Sean, I want to, with you, please, but he can't have it voiced like that, can't have permanence shoved down his throat. He needs to be lured into it, has to be distracted, caught off-guard, or else he's just going to run again. Needs to have it creep up on him.
Viggo didn't think tears would come this time. They've been getting harder and harder to summon, led him to believe that it would be easier, the right thing to do, the best way to end things. He never thought, but he should've known. It's not something you can walk out on just like that, not a secret you can forget once you've found it.
Walking into the river is easy though, feeling the water seep through his clothes, making them heavy, soaking him through. If he could just let go, let the currents tear his body apart, give himself over to the river like he never could to Sean... He was so afraid then, too sure it would leave him lost, trapped, dead inside. And it's right there, right when Viggo knows he's too much of a coward to let the river have a go at him, that he realizes - he's been one all along, always terrified by how intensely he could be consumed. He's been running away from the exact same thing he said he wanted, said he couldn't bear to lose.
Opening his eyes, looking around, Viggo sees where all that running's led him: he's sitting on the bank, muddy and wet, caught in the eye of the storm. Sean! It's all the same, isn't it? And it doesn't even make sense, but Sean is his storm, his bank, his connection. Sean is his holy ground, his safety. And he's also dangerous and terrifying, and he can drag him down as easily as he can keep him grounded, because he'll never be aware of just how quietly invasive his love is.
Viggo nods; smiles. It's not like he has a choice now - it didn't take more than three weeks of living without the certainty of Sean for the truth to sink in. He needs to get up, turn his back on the river. It looks like it's going to rain soon.
Summary: Every time he leaves, his heart breaks, every time a little less.
Rated: G
Categories: Actor RPS Pairing: Sean/Viggo
Warnings: NoneChallenges:
Series: NoneChapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Word count: 559 Read: 776
Published: 08 Aug 2009 Updated: 08 Aug 2009