It was a little over a year now.
A little over a year since they had been so close to breaking up, it had almost killed him.
A little over a year since Sean had forgiven him his temporary insanity.
And a little over a year since he had devoted himself to Sean willingly, without any doubt, any fears, without hesitating or asking for anything in return.
He had done it because he loved Sean. And because he had made a mistake. A huge mistake. And he knew it. They both knew.
And a hard year it had been. Yes, Sean had said "all's forgiven and forgotten," but Viggo knew that it had cracked their relationship a little bit. And that crack was there still. Every time he looked at Sean he could see it. Maybe Sean didn't notice, but he was kind of... restrained. He wasn't the open, trusting and captivating man he had been. At least not to Viggo. But then, how could he blame him?
Viggo sighed inaudibly. It was all his fault, not Sean's. He had every right to be angry with him. Viggo really had acted like a fucking teenager. Fucking, indeed...
But if Sean was still angry, why didn't he say so? Why did he say Viggo was forgiven, when he actually wasn't?
Their relationship had become a little... cautious. Like neither of them really knew which way to go from there. Viggo had tried really hard to get back the relationship he had screwed up a year ago for no evident reason, but it didn't seem like that was what Sean wanted. Though Sean didn't admit it, of course. Every time Viggo asked if there was something wrong, he got the same answer: "Why, no! Ever'thing's fine." Sure. Viggo sighed again.
It had been quite a nice day. They had been walking for a long time in a little park outside of London, without talking about really important things, but... well, it had been nice.
And it had been a nice, calm evening, too. Sean had dozed off in front of the telly. Viggo sat still watching the screen, but didn't notice anything, because his brain was too busy brooding. They were quarrelling about so many things lately. Their biggest problem up until now? London or L.A. A few months ago they had decided to live together. Well, actually Viggo had suggested living together - officially - and Sean agreed. But they still couldn't make up their minds where to live.
Sean loved London. There he had his garden, his friends, his football team...
But Viggo loved L. A. There he had his friends, his art gallery, his... Oh, so many things. It was just home!
One would think two grown-up men should be able to fix a problem like that, but...well, obviously not.
And Viggo could've sworn that there had been something going on between Sean and Orli, but he'd never been able to prove it. A few months ago Sean had been on his beloved stage in London where he had met Orlando. Viggo knew, because he had been there, too. But after the opening weekend he'd had to leave for a film shoot on the other side of the world, leaving Sean and Orlando all on their own. But even if there had been something... At least, they were even now, right? Viggo had betrayed Sean first. With a woman, okay, but nevertheless... Betrayal was betrayal, no matter with what kind of sex it is.
Viggo sighed again. Time for sighing, it seemed.
But maybe it was "more" with Orlando. Since that last time in London, Sean had been different. Maybe he had found out that he loved Orlando more than Viggo and didn't know how to tell him...?
Viggo closed his eyes. Good Lord, no...
"Sean!"
"Mmmmmmm?"
"Sean, wake up!"
"Mmmmwhat?" The younger man blinked, yawned and stretched. "What is it?"
Viggo looked at him seriously.
"Do you love Orlando?"
Sean blinked once more, then looked away, mumbling, "Christ, Vig! Please don't start that again..."
"No!" the American said quickly, regretting that Sean seemed to understand that as a accusation. Grabbing the Brit's wrist tenderly he said, "Wait! Really, I mean... Do you love him? With all the consequences? You two slept together while you were in that play right? It's okay." Though absolutely nothing was okay.
"It wasn't revenge," Sean murmured.
"I never thought it was," Viggo replied calmly.
"It was just because..."
Sean's voice faded. He couldn't find the right words to express what actually had made him have sex with Orlando Bloom, a guy so completely the opposite of Viggo. But maybe there weren't any words at all, because Sean just didn't know the reason. Couldn't even think of one. It just... happened somehow! Christ...
"I know," Viggo said softly. "It was just because. Period. Like when I went into that hotel with that woman a year ago." He looked sadly at Sean. "And even if it wasn't revenge, at least we're square. I betrayed you, you betrayed me. But maybe it was not 'just because' for you, no matter what you're saying. That's why I'm asking. If it's Orlando you want, then go and get him! Don't be afraid to tell me. I... I can handle this. Hopefully... No, that was a lie."
Sean lifted his gaze. Green eyes met blue eyes.
"I love you," Viggo said. "And I would die if you left me for Orlando, but I love you too much to force you into a relationship you don't want to be in, that you probably hate to be in. So if you love Orli, then we draw a line, right here and now. You're free to go wherever you want, without feeling guilty or anything..."
He was stopped by a long, passionate, almost desperate kiss. They only parted because of the lack of air.
"I don't love Orlando," Sean whispered hoarsely. "How can you think I would ever...?"
"Sean..."
Viggo touched his lover's cheek gently, before he kissed him again. And again and again and...He wanted to drown in these kisses. It had been so long since...
"Wait... Stop... Sean, wait."
Viggo managed to push the Brit carefully away. He looked into his green, now glowing eyes. Such a wonderful green... Viggo couldn't resist touching Sean's cheek again and he responded immediately, snuggling closer to Viggo's hand, kissing the palm softly, closing his eyes...
"What?"
"I don't want that anymore," the American said and Sean's eyes flew open. "Shhhh," Viggo soothed him. "I didn't mean you and me. I meant... I... I don't want to make love to you and everything's okay and wonderful and just... right, you know? And the next day everything's like before. You're quiet, restrained, almost cold. I don't want that anymore," he repeated. "The next time I make love to you it has to be because you want it as much as I do. And because you want us to last. And I want to wake up with you, in your arms, feeling your body against mine. I don't want to wake up in the morning all alone and cold with you hanging around anywhere else but with me. What's your problem, Sean? What are you afraid of?"
Sean gently cupped Viggo's face with his hands, slowly caressing the older man's lips with his thumbs.
"You've never told me that you love me before, have you?" he asked almost inaudibly and Viggo realized that he was right. "When I saw you leaving that hotel with that woman..." Sean smiled sadly in remembrance. "Viggo, my whole world broke down. You knew that I loved you. I'd told you so many times, but... I never knew if my feelings were returned. Even when you came back to me, when you told me you were sorry and suggested living together, I still wasn't sure."
"But now," Viggo said huskily. "I love you, Sean. More than you'll ever know. More than anyone else in this world. I came back because I couldn't even think of living without you, and I still can't. You're a part of me, Sean, and I'm yours forever."
Sean smiled slightly and leaned forward, closing the small gap between them to kiss his friend and lover.
**
Viggo smiled in the dark, listening to Sean's even breathing, not willing to loosen his tight embrace for even one second. London, he thought. Definitely London. It didn't really matter where he lived. Home was where Sean was.
Summary: Sequel to "Rain And Tears" by Moldava.
Rated: PG-13
Categories: Actor RPS Pairing: Sean/Viggo
Warnings: NoneChallenges:
Series: NoneChapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Word count: 1417 Read: 831
Published: 06 Aug 2009 Updated: 06 Aug 2009